


Little Life

by Fifthnameattempt



Category: Naruto
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Near Death Experiences, Other, Speculating on where Sai came from, Surviving, cause the number of orphans danzo had is shady as hell, it's just Thinking About Sai Hours, plot? there is no need for plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:28:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27581396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fifthnameattempt/pseuds/Fifthnameattempt
Summary: A boy with no name is born in the cold and the dark. He was never supposed to live. He is expected to die many times. Eventually, he has to learn to do more than survive.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Sai, Sai/Yamanaka Ino
Kudos: 47





	Little Life

**Author's Note:**

> Thinking about Hildegard von Bingen and people who come out of darkness to change the world. At some point I'd like to expand this into a proper story, but for now I hoped you enjoy this brief character study!

> _This is a little life_
> 
> _We're nearly gone when we arrive_
> 
> _And we'll be dead a lot longer than we'll be alive. - Grace McLean,_ In the Green

Ito Uchiha never meets her first born. The infant is delivered in the dead of night in a small house just outside of Fire Country via cesarean section at thirty-six weeks. When she regains consciousness the baby’s father, a sweet Inuzuka boy she’d been seeing for a few months before it happened and who she doesn’t think she can stomach ever seeing again, tells her it was a boy.

She cries, but she does not regret. If her family had found out, she would have been forced to terminate the pregnancy. The bloodlines were too important, had to be preserved. When the boy told her he had been contacted by someone known to take in war orphans who could arrange for her to deliver quietly and out of the village, she accepted without reservation. She does not know what life she was giving to her first born, but she thinks it must be better than no life at all.

Seven years later Ito Uchiha is a mother of two and using the last of her strength to break her nephew’s powerful genjutsu. She does not know why this is happening. She gets only a glimpse of him with his sword raised before red eyes fill her vision once more and she knows her fight is over before it’s begun.

Her last thought is of her son. At least, she thinks as she falls under the spell for the last time, I spared him this.

* * *

The Uchiha boy is nearing ten and he shows no sign of developing a sharingan. Danzo reigns in his disappointment until it is nothing more than mild irritation. It was always a long shot. The clan would have protested the offspring of a child with Inuzuka genes for a reason. The dog clan was simply too dominant, canceling out most of the Uchiha traits even though the boy retains the Uchiha’s dark hair and fair complexion.

He could probably make a decent summoning contract, but Danzo disapproves of summons among his troops. The nature of a summoning contract demands loyalty which could erode the unflinching devotion the Foundation demands of its soldiers. So that advantage, too, is lost.

Danzo sighs and tries not to think of the boy as a total waste. At the very least he has bonded intensely with one of the older boys in his cohort. The silver haired boy who calls himself Shin in secret and encourages the Uchiha boy’s habit of drawing. That boy is promising. Strong, fast, with excellent chakra control and a mind for field tactics. Pairing them for the graduation ceremony will be the push the older boy needs to finally repress himself and succumb entirely to Danzo’s will.

_I have many tools_ , Danzo reminds himself, making final marks on the two reports in front of him before sealing them away again, _The boy may not be the weapon I wanted, but he will be the whetstone I need to sharpen the others._

* * *

Sai enters Orochimaru’s hideout and as the door shuts behind him, he knows he has walked willingly into his own tomb. He thinks the idea should disturb him. It would disturb most people, probably. It doesn’t. He would grateful for his training if it had allowed him to possess such feelings.

He unpacks his bag after Kabuto locks the door behind him. He reviews his mission objectives, primary and secondary and all the layers in between. There are messages he needs to send. Reconnaissance to complete. A page in a bingo book he needs to cross out. He repacks his things and lingers over an empty space.

If the girl hadn’t grabbed it, hadn’t pushed it to the front of his memory, would he even have noticed the picture book was missing? He doesn’t like the ache in his chest that staring at the empty space creates, but he doesn’t stop either. The sensation is curiously close to testing a healing wound, putting pressure on a stiff ankle just to see if it holds. He wonders how it’s possible to hurt without being injured.

Then his door begins to open and he pushes down all of his thoughts, returning his focus to the mission.

After all, what use does a dead man have for a picture book?

* * *

Sakura had once claimed she would never regret rejecting her new teammate. She had tried to keep that promise to herself off and on over the years – he’d been a real jerk back then even if he hadn’t necessarily meant to be – but it was hard sometimes. For all his fumbling and missteps, he could be incredibly sweet and painfully earnest. He could be funny, too, once you parsed out what was meant to be a joke beneath the layers of social awkwardness. These days she considered him one of her best friends and so she occasionally regretted treating him so harshly when they first met.

Today day is not one of those days because he will not shut up.

“You have to go.” Sai is saying, though the words are thin and clearly hard for him to get out around the pain. “If you waste any more chakra you won’t be able to fight when they circle back. You need to make contact with the Captain and make sure the message reaches the village.”

“Shut up, you idiot!” She finally snaps, stopping the flow of chakra through one of her hands to press two firm fingers into the bloody skin just to the left of the hideous gash that exposes most of the interior of his stomach. He has to stop speaking to gasp at the pain. She returns to pouring chakra over the wound, encouraging the torn flesh to mend itself back together at an impossible rate.

She has to clean and disinfect as she goes, too, and that takes more work. The blade hadn’t been poisoned, but it had been rusty and the flakes of iron buzz at her chakra, threatening to do more damage if left behind. It’s taking more time than she’d like, and she knows he’s technically right, every moment they stay here they are more likely to be found. She knows she is depleting her own chakra too quickly, that she won’t be able to put up much of a fight if discovered.

But he can’t be moved like this, his intestines could literally fall out at any moment. So, she’ll stay for as long as it takes to keep him alive.

“Sakura, please.” When his voice returns it’s even weaker, and she spares a moment to glare at him. But his eyes are soft, unfocused, and very afraid. For once, she remembers to look underneath the underneath and realizes he isn’t worried about the mission, not really. He’s worried about her. For her. “Please, don’t.”

_Please don’t die for me_. Is the unspoken request he can’t articulate.

She bares her teeth at him, more snarl than grin, and says, “Don’t be stupid. No one is dying today.”

* * *

Sai wakes up to a clear, spring morning. There’s a slight crick in his back, but it disappears with a few easy stretches. He brushes his teeth and scrubs his face. He has a light breakfast of green tea, leftover fish, and fresh rice. As he passes through the living room, he notices one of his paintings has dried and he pauses a few moments to paint a layer of matte sealant over it, locking in the pigment and protecting the canvas from the elements. It should be cured by the time he gets back. Then Sai the-boy-with-no-name leaves his apartment for the last time.

In four hours’, he will be Sai Yamanaka.

The reception drags on late into the evening which isn’t a problem because it’s occurring in a tent in the heart of the Yamanaka district, surrounded by blooming spring flowers. There’s music and dancing and a lot of talking. Ino’s been by his side all day and yet he feels like he hasn’t spoken to her once since leaving the ceremony. He thought it would bother him eventually, but she’s always in his periphery, beaming and pleased with herself for throwing such a good party. He doesn’t mind.

He thinks it’s actually the happiest he’s ever been.

When they finally grab a moment alone together, they’re too exhausted to do much more than collapse into chairs side by side, sipping at glasses of wine. Sai finds himself watching the crowd, picking out individual expressions on the faces of his friends, an exercise he does frequently when his mind is getting tired and his thoughts are turning in odd directions.

“What are you thinking?” Ino asks and when he turns to face her, he realizes that while he was watching the crowd, she was watching him. He wonders if the reversal is poetic or not.

“Sometimes I worry that this is all a dream.” Sai confides softly, studying the way the candlelight creates high contrast highlights and shadows over the bridge of her nose. “Sai was supposed to die in Orochimaru’s hideout years ago. I suspect I was meant to die many more times before that as well. I worry this is all a blood-loss fueled hallucination before darkness sets in.”

“Geez, somebody’s wine-morbid tonight.” Ino teases. He knows she’s teasing because she flicks his nose with the very edge of the nail of her forefinger. He needs the confirmation less and less these days, but there’s still comfort in the ease with which she offers him extra signals to make her meanings clear. She leans in close and with more serious eyes, says, “I don’t _think_ this is a dream. But if it is, is it a good one?”

He closes his eyes for a moment. Absorbs all the sounds in the room. The laughter of the people he calls his friends. The way the music weaves in and around the chatter. Glasses and plates and cutlery chime as people consume and celebrate. It sounds the way fireworks look. The way joy feels.

He opens his eyes. “A very good dream.”

Ino kisses him then, lightly but with feeling. “Then you might as well enjoy it.”  
  
---  
  
**Author's Note:**

> How messed up is it that Sai was selected to meet with Orochimaru because his ink creations can pass messages even after he dies? I'll never get over that! The Boy went on a suicide mission and came out of it with a reason to live. Iconic!


End file.
